Today pretty much sucks, physically. Woke up about a million times last night and got up this morning on time, feeling very fatigued but not very tired. I feel like it's both mental and physical fatigue, and I've been feeling pretty listless all day. My responses to people are short, one word sometimes and while I'm not feeling angry or trying to be rude, I feel withdrawn into myself today.
Last night I made my first icky juice. It was made with tomato, chard, celery, lemon, garlic, etc, and I was going for a sort of V-8 type thing, but it gave me instant heartburn, even diluted with water. I think I used too much chard. Anyway, I managed to get down most of it and gave a little bit to Seth, who thought it was great. So, nothing got wasted and everyone got nutrients.
Today I focused on adding veggies to fruit juices to make sure I didn't kill my taste for juice last night. The juice in the picture was the last glass of my lunch, which was watermelon, cantaloupe, beet and beet greens, celery, and tomato. It was very good and I had to fight to get most of it away from my older son so I'd have enough calories. Right now I'm steeping my handmade herbal detox blend of herbs like pau d'arco, burdock, dandelion, red clover blossoms, and a few other herbs to try and purify my blood and give my organs a boost in cleansing my body of impurities.
As for detoxification itself, I am very sure that it's in full swing. I've got a weird heaviness in my head, I've been sweating all day and even though I took a shower before bed last night I already feel a layer of yuck forming and I'm getting ready to get back into the shower. I feel very tired and yet I also feel a very strong pull to be outside. I feel like walking in the morning sun and breathing in outside air, so I'm going to take a solo walk tomorrow morning. I would have done it today, but I am too tired to push both kids in the double stroller.
On a side note, today I finished my very last case study which completes my Nutritional Consultant coursework! I am so excited, I'm sending in all my work on Monday. It feels so amazing to set a goal and follow through. It definitely wasn't easy going to school with two little kids and a whole house to run, but I wanted to do it and I did it, and that really just makes me love myself all the more. It wasn't even the hardest things I've ever been through. It was all about time management and focus. Now, I'm taking a freaking vacation! I'll going to San Fransisco with my newly cleansed and refreshed body this coming week and I've decided to start my next set of classes in October. That will give me at least two weeks to take since I've been going since April 1st. This time I will be completing a full certification as a Master Herbalist, and this is another 500 hour course, so I'll be going full time again until far into 2010.
I think that the most notable revelation I've had since beginning this trial is that the lack of food to occupy me has left with a very strange feeling. BOREDOM. I'm actually bored. I have so much time wrapped up in eating, in shopping for food and preparing food and thinking about food and talking about food that I've already hit a wall with what to do about all the time there is in a day. How much of the hunger I was feeling before was actually just a way to kill time? I still have no interest in eating food for nourishment, because I'm not craving natural, whole foods. And my impulses to eat are weak, but when they surface it's always something horrible, again chips or cake or candy. It's been fascinating watching my mind try to process all of these changes and already I feel compelled to go within, to spend time alone and sort myself out. The urges are not very compelling and pass within moments.
I've still been making full meals for my family, and while I thought that would be the most difficult thing, it's actually been one of the easiest. Now that I have no emotional investment in the meals I'm preparing it's so much faster and easier to make them. I'm making foods that I enjoy the flavor of, but now I just have no interest in them, and preparing them is a lot playing Cooking Mama. I'm interested in finishing a good product, but to me it's almost like it isn't real food. As if there's not even an option of eating it. My body is working very hard at expelling toxins and it seems to want this, because it's leading me away from solid food so much that even when faced with my own homemade dinner I'm not interested in the least.